——By Christian Shull
作者简介：Christian Shull，凯斯国际教育文书指导老师，专门帮助学生解决申请文书中遇到的疑难问题。
I have been working at CACS as an essay specialist for the last
application season. In that capacity I have read hundreds of college
application essays, whether it be the personal statement or one of the
many supplements. While writing college entrance essays can be a
daunting task for any young adult, the challenge is even more difficult
writing in a language that is not their mother tongue. Not only is there
the problem of expressing oneself in a second language, this problem is
exemplified by the cultural differences between Chinese and Western
styles of essay writing. As I have read these essays, I noticed several
commonalities that may affect how the admissions directors in Western
universities view the applicant. Some of these include:
Overly complex sentence structures
Students tend to overcomplicate sentences in order to demonstrate
their grasp of the English language. This, however, tends to hurt more
than help the applicant. Admissions directors read a multitude of essays
per day and applicants to come to the point quickly and clearly. It
does not benefit the applicant if the reader has to decipher complicated
sentences. Clear, concise writing is more preferred.
An
attempt to use too many sophisticated “SAT type ” vocabulary and
thesaurus words that become distracting and may be used incorrectly
In a similar vein, students may try to include as many SAT type words
as they can in their essays. For any reader, this can be very
distracting, as students may not understand the correct usage of the
word. Sometimes, this will have readers scratching their heads, and
ultimately detracts from the overall effect of the message, or may come
across as insincere. Students should use vocabulary that they understand
completely and can use appropriately.
Overuse of metaphors, similes, and comparatives
Essay writing in Chinese schools stress the use of beautiful language
and metaphors. While this isn’t a bad thing, the fact is that it can be
overdone and again, decreases the impact of the content. Since the
personal essay is limited to only 650 words, students should concentrate
more on how to portray themselves in a direct and honest way.
Writing what they imagine college directors want to hear
The college essay is a unique piece of writing. It should be used as a
tool to introduce a student’s personality and strengths. However, some
students tend to overcompensate and write what they think colleges want
to hear instead of being true to themselves. Admissions personnel can
see through this and it will ultimately hurt the applicant.
Lack of clarity in essay structure
The admissions director should not have to read an essay several
times to understand the content of the paper. Mark your point in a
direct, logical, and concise manner.
Conclusions overblown and exaggerated in an attempt of a grand gesture
A simple summation of points in the essay is fine. Applicants don’t
need to have a life changing epiphany in the final sentence. Sometimes
it is OK to leave the reader wanting more.
Overemphasis of the importance of correct grammar usage over content
Grammar does not have to be 100% perfect. It is the content that
counts! Colleges value originality and want to know that it is truly the
applicant’s work. A few incorrect articles and prepositions are ok. In
fact, it may help colleges believe a second language student wrote the
essay. Essays coming from China that are sometimes too perfect create
doubt and may be questioned by admissions directors.
These are the
most common mistakes made by college applicants with their essays. Here
are some suggestions that can help to improve your essay.
The
single best advice I could give you for essay writing is to keep it
simple! The longer it takes the admissions director to decipher your
essay, the easier it is for them to dismiss it.
Additional suggestions:
·Read! Good readers make good writers
·Brainstorm and plan your essay
·Practice, practice, practice. Writing in a journal or keeping a
daily diary is a great way to understand and express yourself
·Take your time. It won’t happen overnight
·Determine what makes you unique and use it
·Tell us a story
·It’s about you! Keep it that way
·It’s ok to show your cultural heritage
·Make it original. No one else should be able to write your essay